so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
