You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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