the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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