I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
