you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
