he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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