it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
