Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
