so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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