it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize