I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
