i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
