i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
