At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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