youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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