is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
