Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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