we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
