I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
