i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
