i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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