we have officially lost it.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The ass gains better be worth it
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
