My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize