finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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