Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
