3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
