you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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