If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
