you didnt know i had herpes?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
