I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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