Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
