i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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