I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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