someone get that fucking seahorse.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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