fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
