New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
