I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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