Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
