You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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