I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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