Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
