fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I did not marry a roomba.
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