My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
