her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
