So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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