I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
