Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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