He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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