Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
