drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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