Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
