i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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