i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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