we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
