some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
