Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
