like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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