she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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