So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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