Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
